


Behind Blue Eyes

by Astro_Break



Category: Saint Seiya
Genre: Dissociation, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, M/M, POV Third Person Limited, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Snow Day, idk if you can count this as hurt/comfort since theres very little comfort at all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-30
Updated: 2020-01-31
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:54:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22480621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Astro_Break/pseuds/Astro_Break
Summary: It's Shun's first time experiencing snow and Hyôga's there to make his first snow day memorableBut things rarely play out as they should
Relationships: Andromeda Shun & Phoenix Ikki, Andromeda Shun/Cygnus Hyōga, Cygnus Hyōga & Phoenix Ikki
Comments: 25
Kudos: 48





	1. No one bites back as hard on their sorrow

**Author's Note:**

> The Aries Hell Group are a bunch of lovely enabling bastards and I blame them for this
> 
> The prompt was literally _Remember how shun was forced to strangle himself bc of Hades ?  
>  I think he still has some traumas of this and can't have something too tight around the neck or y'know when you have lot of snow in your jacket and it ends up all around the neck _
> 
> So yeah. Please be cautious as this fic will touch on stuff like dissociation and PTSD.  
> anywho happy reading
> 
> Titles of both the fic and the chapters are modified lyrics of Behind Blue Eyes by Limp Bizkit

When Shun woke up on the first day of his vacation, he was greeted by snow. An endless expanse of pure white snow.

Leaning over the railing of the lodge they were staying in, Shun gazed in bright-eyed wonder at the blinding blanket of white stretching far beyond into the distance. He, along with the other bronze saints had been granted a brief respite after the Holy War and were driven up to the snowy mountains of Hokkaido. To be fair, Shun believed that the other Bronze Saints deserved the moment of peace more than him. He had been the vessel for their biggest enemy after all. However, taking a step back from his saintly duties was already doing wonders for his mental well being. Having been lodged in one of the Graude Foundations many accommodations, Shun was allowed to do as he pleased for the next week or so. Most of the other Saints had gone down to the nearby town to do some sightseeing and shopping. Shun had elected to stay behind with a few others, preferring to marvel at the white powder littering the landscape. The concept of snow was a new and novel experience for Shun, born in the southern ends of the island country and living out most of his teenage years in Ethiopia, near the equator. In more ways than one, Shun was truly a child of the sun.

A hand landed on Shun's shoulder and drew him back behind the railings, eliciting a startled yelp from the unsuspecting Saint. Shun hadn’t noticed how far he was leaning over the rails, dangerously close to tumbling headfirst into the cold with nothing but fuzzy pajamas to protect him from the frigid temperatures. Hyôga's face was stoic when Shun turned around with a pout, blue eyes twinkling with hidden mirth. Shun pouted harder and Hyôga's mouth finally twitched upwards in amusement. They were working on the whole "emotions are a natural and good thing and it's not healthy to bottle them up" thing, but Hyôga was making enormous progress and Shun was very proud of him.

"Go get dressed properly and we can play around in the snow for a while," Hyôga suggested, removing his hand from its spot on Shun's shoulder.

A wide grin spread over Shun's face as he nodded eagerly. He would never pass up the chance to live out a childhood he had been denied, especially not when Hyôga basically offered to mess around with him. "What should I wear?" He asked, putting a finger to his chin in thought as he rocked back on his heels. "Hyôga, what do you recommend? You trained in Siberia, so you should know the best ways to combat the cold!"

"A t-shirt, leggings, and those bunny leg warmers I know you brought," Hyôga answered immediately, eyebrow raised and gaze pointed as if it were the most obvious answer in the world. 

Shun stared slack-jawed at him, mind still processing the answer before his eyes trailed downwards to see that Hyôga was wearing the exact outfit he had described. Hot pink bunny leg warmers and all. Snorting, Shun's amusement turned into full-blown laughter as he leaned into the railings for support, his trembling sides already failing him. For his part, Hyoga looked exceptionally smug, lips quirked up in that dazzling half-smile of his. "N-no shoes?" Shun finally wheezed out, having hunched over himself in an attempt to alleviate his aching muscles.

"No shoes," Hyôga confirmed wiggling his bare toes for good measure.

This set off another round of howling laughter as Shun fell onto the wooden deck holding his sides. Even Hoyga joined in with a few light chuckles, kneeling down to meet Shun’s gaze. “In all honesty, you just need to bundle up.” He commented with a faint smile. “Keep warm and layer up.”

Coughing on his laugher, Shun nodded slowly pushing himself up to his feet. “Roger!” He grinned, body still trembling with leftover mirth. Clapping Hyôga’s shoulder cheerfully as he passed, Shun skipped towards his room to prepare.

Shun had once wondered why the mansion Saori had taken refuge in after the Galactic Duel was exceptionally large if it was meant to hide away in. He now understood that the safe house had been considered small by the foundations superfluous standards. The lodge that housed all the vacationing saints was around the size of a typical Japanese High School, all three floors packed with accommodations, amenities, and entertainment. The rooms they had all been assigned was thankfully on the first floor, but the winding hallways still made it a chore to travel through.

Throwing open his luggage, Shun pulled out a large striped sweater and a brown hooded poncho. He wasn’t sure of the origins of these clothes, but he was fairly sure that Ikki was the one who had gifted him the sweater. He smiled as he unraveled out a red scarf and a pair of cute mittens. Perhaps picking up knitting and crocheting might not be a bad idea, Shun mused, holding a carefully knitted hat in his hands. He could already imagine what he would like to make. A hat, gloves, scarves, Shun’s hands itched to hold a spool of yarn now.

Hurriedly shedding his sleeping clothes, Shun wiggled into the sweater and poncho. Instantly an uncomfortable warmth blanketed his skin as sweat started beading over his forehead. His breath caught in his throat as the weight of the clothing dragged his shoulders down, phantom cloth brushing against his ankles as he stumbled, landing heavily on his bed. It was too much. Too many layers, too heavy. Fingers fumbled to remove the poncho and the thick fabric feel to the wayside with a soft thump. Propping himself up on his elbows, Shun gasped for breath, sweat rolling down his cheek in thick droplets of fear. His eyes darted around the room, taking in his surroundings. A bed frame, mattress, window, baby blue walls, strewn clothing that was his own. The covers under his hands, the slight itch of the sweater, cold air against his bare thighs, a tight ache in his chest. His own ragged breathing, the creak of the bed, syncopated shuffling down the hall. Suffocating heat from the heater, faint whiffs of breakfast being made. His own salty sweat. Taking in a gasping breath, Shun shuddered as he pulled himself up. Wrapping his arms around himself, he gently ran them up and down his sides. He was still in control. He was still in control. He was still in control.

But what if you weren't?

Shun choked down a sobbing scream, holding himself tighter. Hades is gone, sealed away by Athena, he reminded himself firmly. But facts rarely helped in the face of overwhelming terror. A soft knock startled Shun as he curled further into himself, pressing his face into his knees. 

"Shun? Is everything good?" The voice was warped and indistinguishable as he was hearing it underwater.

Fighting down another sob, Shun frantically nodded his head. Realizing that a closed-door separated him and whoever was on the other side, Shun took in a gulp of air. "Yeah." He called back, surprised by his own steady voice. 

"If you're not feeling up to it, we don't have to go outside." Ah, Hyôga then. Tears brimmed at the edges of Shun's eyes. That right, he was supposed to be getting ready to play in the snow.

"I'm fine. Just trying to find my warmer clothes." Shun replied, slowly unraveling himself. There was no reply but he could still feel Hyôga's Cosmo linger by the door, icy calm pulsating with worry. Wrapping himself up in the first winter jacket he came across, Shun hurriedly pulled on a pair of warm pants and socks. Grabbing the scarf and mittens, he paused for a deep breath. His heart was still thundering in his ears but the overwhelming terror that had flooded him moments earlier was ebbing away. He could do this. Feeling a smile stretch across his face, Shun opened the door finding Hyôga leaning against the opposite wall. "Sorry for making you wait!" He chirped, voice threatening to hitch.

Hyôga smiled thinly, eyes quickly glancing over what Shun had haphazardly thrown on. "You didn't follow my advice." He noted with a slight twitch of the lips. 

For a moment, Shun was left floundering before he regained his footing. "Hypocrite." He teased, pointedly dragging his eyes over the large brown coat Hyôga was now wearing. 

Hyôga chuckled good-naturedly and pushed off against the wall. "Well then, sunshine boy, how about we go play around in the snow before you bake under those layers?" He offered an outstretched hand for Shun to take.

His throat dried at the offhand reminder, shoulders suddenly heavy with the imagined weight of ornate pauldrons. Quickly grasping Hyôga's offered hand, Shun swallowed his racing heart and grounded himself in the gentle squeeze of frigid fingers. "Sure." He smiled as Hyôga led the way.

What came next was something ripped straight from one of those Shōjo Manga June read from time to time. Shun was dragged down the hallway, legs tripping over themselves in surprise as Hyôga pulled him eagerly, child-like excitement bubbling forth, escaping its age-old shackles. Shun swore up and down that, for a moment the world exploded in an array of colors when Hyôga showed him a roguish grin, lips pulled back in pure joy. He was startled out of his daze when Hyôga dropped their entwined hands to throw open the main doors. Shun's hands already felt cold.

Slipping on his boots as he stepped forward to join Hyôga by the main entrance, Shun squinted as the sun glared off the snow and into his eyes. A laugh sounded beside him and Shun turned to narrow his eyes at the offender. Hyôga took no notice, perhaps because Shun's eyelids had already been lowered from squinting, and instead handed him a pair of ski goggles. "To protect your eyes. Wouldn't want to end up like Shiryu." He explained, fixing a second pair over his eyes. 

Shun snorted but did as he was told. As soon as the orange-tinted visor overlayed his eyes, the glaring snow became less glaring and more orange snow. They stood there for a while, silently watching the unchanging landscape.

"So," Shun eventually ventured, shifting from foot to foot. "How do we play in the snow?"

The silence stretched on for a beat longer until Hyôga shrugged. "To be honest, I've never played in the snow before." At Shun's wide-eyed surprise, Hyôga fidgeted under the staring. "Well, I'm sure Mama let me in the snow at one point, but Master never did."

Shun felt sadness fester in his chest, eating away at his heart. Saint training was hard and Shun understood that well enough, but his master always let him have a small break each day after training. "Well, let's figure it out together." Shun smiled, taking Hyôga's hand. A small fragment of memory came to mind and the Andromeda Saint smiled. "A child was living in the village near where you trained, yes? Did he ever play around in the snow?"

There was a flash of surprise over Hyôga's face as if he wasn't expecting Shun to remember. "Yeah, his name's Yakov. I think he rolled snow into large spheres and stacked three of them atop one another and decorated it. He called it… Uh… _Снеговик_? I'm not sure how to translate it into Japanese or Greek though…"

"That's fine. We can try building this snow stack then." Shun suggested, taking his first into the snow. The crunching sound of snow underfoot delighted him in a satisfying way and the urge to simply stomp all over the fresh snow made itself known.

"Snow person." Hyôga corrected, amusement coloring his voice as he was tugged along into the snowfield. "Yakov always insisted that he was building a person out of snow."

The laugh that bubbled in Shun's chest was delightfully pure, abdominal muscles shaking with barely restrained chortles. Brushing away stray tears, Shun opened his mouth and turned to face Hyôga, the words freezing in his throat. A soft smile was painted on Hyôga's face with delicate care, icy blue eyes tinted orange regarding him with warmth and intensity like he was something to be cherished, someone to be loved. Shun flushed under the gaze, averting his own plain eyes away. 

Dropping their clasped hands, Shun knelt down to gather the crisp snow between gloved hands. Packing the snow together tightly, he added more of the white power, growing his golf ball-sized sphere into something resembling a baseball. Once it got too large to hold, Shun gently set the ball down on the snow and began rolling it around, watching the sphere grow larger and more lopsided. Once he was satisfied, Shun looked around to try and find Hyôga and see how he was doing. It didn't take long.

Two smooth spheres of ice shining in the sun, light sliding off its smooth surface as they lay stacked one atop another with Hyôga beside them, gently pushing snow to form a stable base. Shun gasped at the astounding progress Hyôga had made compared to his deformed almost rounded square of a snowball. "Hyôga, that cheating!" He yelled, picking up a lightly packed handful of snow and throwing it in Hyôga's general direction. It fell short of its intended target but it did catch Hyôga's attention.

"What cheating?!" He called back, straightening up from his hunched position and leaning nonchalantly on the two ice spheres.

"You can't just use ice! It's called a snow person, not an ice person!"

Hyôga simply chortled and waved it off, much to Shun's pouty displeasure. "Does it matter?" He laughed, beckoning Shun closer with a crook of his finger. "Come here with your snowball. We'll put it on top."

Huffing with puffed-out cheeks, Shun obliged and rolled his squarish ball of snow towards Hyôga. It took a combined effort to heave the final piece of the puzzle onto its pedestal but the end effect made the two of them snort. The white lump slapped haphazardly atop two perfect crystalline spheres made a hilarious display.

"Well, this snow stack certainly doesn't look like a person," Shun observed, leaning back to inspect their work.

Hyôga hummed in agreement, putting a hand on his hips icy eyes roaming up and down their creation. "A face." He finally declared, with a nod.

"Pardon?"

"A face. That's what the snow stack's missing. Without a face, we can't really call it a snow person, can we." He gestured to the only snow component of their creation, an eyebrow raised as if to demonstrate his point. 

Turning his gaze back to the snow person, Shun slowly nodded. "I think you're right." He agreed, stepping forward close enough to touch the stack. Tongue poking out slightly in concentration, he poked two eyes into the snow with a gloved finger before drawing on a wide smile. Stepping back with a satisfied grin, he turned back to Hyôga to ask for his opinion. The Siberian saint, however, was not there.

In a sudden flurry of movement, Shun's hood was suddenly flipped over onto his head, bringing with it a flurry of snow. Squealing in surprise, Shun frantically batted the snow away as the cold seeped down his hair sticking to any surface it could.

Frozen hands suddenly gripped his throat, fingers frozen from decades of slumber crushing his windpipe. Shun screamed. He begged his body to move, to rip his own hands from his neck, to stop, to do something of his own bidding. But no matter how much he sobbed and beseeched, Hades kept a relentless grip on his vessel, limbs locking under desperate pleas, muscles contracting and cutting off airflow. The world around him was deafened by the thundering staccato of his heart, blinded by hot tears freezing under subzero temperatures, all feeling number by the heavy rivers of sweat building under wide layers of ceremonial garbs. Shun clawed at his throat grasping and ripping the frozen grip away from his neck, succeeding in ripping his throat until it was raw and sore, the cold air stinging against the newly opened wounds. The cold seeped in from everywhere, pulling warmth and safety from his body as the vengeful God wrestled for control of his body. Drawing in shallow gasps of air, Shun worked to methodically pry each finger off his neck, hands unresponsive to his will.

Hades is sealed away. Hades is sealed away. Hades is sealed away, he firmly reminded himself. I am no longer his puppet.

His unresponsive body said otherwise.

A weight landed behind his knees, hot pressure burning his skin as a second weight on his back joined the first. Shun thrashed and writhed, desperately wrenching himself away from the burning heat searing into him. Sobbing through fruitless attempts to breathe, Shun weakly struggled against the freezing hands and the scorching pressure, the dichotomies of temperature sending him spiraling. The heat overtook his body in a furious burst of blazing Cosmo, hellfire consuming his soul and turning the very sounds he wrenched forth nothing but cindering ash.

And as suddenly as it came, the oppressive flames sputtered out, making way for a cold cold cold pressure against his back and bottom. He was back on his throne. The horrid awful throne that reminded him of someone he wasn't and someone he was born to be. He could feel dead eyes staring at him scrutinizing his every atom as he struggled to regain control over his body, to move, to blink even once.

Shun didn't know how long he fought, fingertips bleeding and voice hoarse from the ordeal. Time crawled and sprinted with no regard for him, moving on along with the rest of the world. His awareness trickled back to him slowly, from the lingering grip of Hades' hand pressing his windpipe to the absence of heat and finally to the soft and gentle pressure running down his scalp. It took centuries for his mind to regain itself, his body and spirit broken down and picked apart until it was naught but useless and empty. Someone was hyperventilating, he noted as his caring nature screaming at him to comfort whoever needed it. It took him a moment to realize that he had been hearing his own off-kilter breaths. Wiggling his toes experimentally, he felt relief course through him as his body responded to his wishes. Sucking in a deep breath, Shun held it for a moment before exhaling, repeating the action to control his shell-shocked body. His shuddering breaths must have alerted whoever was with him as the pressure stilled for a moment before resuming.

He leaned into the touch, body shuddering from still fresh wounds. His cheek met warm skin and Shun's body went pliant against the shoulder. Dimly he heard the crackle of a fire and the slightly itchy material of the couch brushed against his bare feet made Shun relax if only slightly. He wasn't in the Meikai anymore. He was safe. He was in control.

An ember of Cosmo made him flinch, bracing himself for the cold disappointment of Hades' wrath that would surely consume him whole. But anger was not given to him. The flame burned brightly with concern, burying itself into his chest as his brother's love spread through him, calming his still racing heart. Ikki's kindness and love crackled softly, a warm tingle running through his arms and legs.

A small smile crawled into his face as an arm wrapped around his waist, pulling his exhausted body closer to whoever was sitting beside him. The physical connection helped ground him firmly, anchoring his wounded mind before it could drift away into a sea of helplessness and despair. The gentle rake of nimble fingers rhythmically danced and pulled across his scalp sending delightful shivers down his back, the soft motions lulling Shun back to sleep.

His eyes fluttered shut, thundering heartbeat having slowed down to a steady pulse beating life through his body softly, feeling his brother's warm Cosmo placate his warring soul. The last thing he remembered was a light pressure against the top of his head with a murmured promise pressed into his hair before his exhausted body shut itself off.


	2. And I Blame Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An Omake
> 
> So how's Hyôga holding up?

Hyôga watched Shun drift off again, fingers never stilling in their quest to comfort the sleeping male. His heart was heavy as he combed out melted snow from Shun's hair, his mind transforming into a theater of guilt and shame as it replayed the previous haunting events on loop. He hadn't meant to trigger Shun. Hell, he'd been unaware that the other even had any triggers. He should have known, honestly. No one gets possessed by one of the most powerful Gods and comes out unscathed if they come out at all. But the fact that Hyôga was unaware of how Shun would react to his small prank didn't wash away his guilty actions.

Filling Shun's hood with snow had been a silly idea at first. Something to make Shun laugh and retaliate, perhaps throw a poorly shaped clump of snow back at him. But reality rarely played out the way it does in people's minds. Hyôga should have known. Known the moment Shun's hands went from sweeping snow off his head to clawing at his throat. He could have moved when Shun let out that blood-curdling scream, pain and anguish bursting forth in an ugly amalgamation of trauma. It was only when Shun toppled over, the fresh snow mercifully breaking his fall and cradling his thrashing body, that Hyôga's body sprung into action scrambling to get to his best friend's side.

When he had finally managed to drag Shun back inside, Hyôga had been faced with an even greater problem, righteous anger burning him the moment Shun was deemed safe. Ikki had every right to be mad at him, to throw barbed venom at his face, to stand protectively in front of Shun who's screams and frantic clawing had morphed into low moans of distress as if Hyôga would try and hurt him again. With each verbal lashing Ikki gave him, Hyôga had only felt his guilt rise. An indigent side of him had struggled to yell back, to argue his own innocence in the matter, but what innocence was there to prove when his hands were the ones who set them on this path. So Hyôga had stood there, letting Ikki vent all his anger out on him.

Sighing, Hyôga peered over the back of the couch, catching a glimpse of blue hair pressed against the back of the couch. Slumping his shoulders, Hyôga turned back to Shun, gently tucking a stray hair behind Shun's ear. Simply looking at how peaceful Shun was asleep filled Hyôga's heart with painful regret as his hands stilled.

"Shun hates you." His traitorous mind murmured, making Hyôga flinch. "Ikki already does and Shun will soon follow. Foolish foolish boy. Did you really think that you had a chance at happiness? Your mother left you. Issak left you. Why did you ever think that Shun would be any different?"

The crackle of the fire was the only sound filling the room, the fireplace providing meager warmth. Hyôga sat within the silence, drowning in his thoughts as his heavy heart dragged him deeper into the tumultuous seas of regret.


End file.
